I am craving alone time...I want to float through the world on a glass pillow, with nothing larger than a tiny mouse on my lap for company. I need to break free from the oppressive opinions of others. I'm feeling a lot of weight, a lot of pressure coming at me from all directions...I long to fly up and away, leave it all behind. I think moving to Victoria will be a very important change for me. It is difficult to grow when you are chained to your past and your family, however much you love them. I am too attached to them. I need to be free. I need to be alone. I am almost positive that my constant headaches of late (immune to Tylenol, long walks outdoors and intense hydration) are a manifestation of the Closter phobia I have been experiencing lately...my head feels like it is going to soon explode if I don't break free from the crowds and run...
I am craving the company of strangers...people who only know the me they see in front of them. I long to delve into the lives of brand new people. I have been recycling through the same six degree circle for too long...I feel used up...I am disillusioned. It is beginning to affect my relationships. I love the people in my life, especially my family...but they know me too well and don't offer me enough room to grow. They have already made up their minds about me, and I'm not even close to being done changing. I can't repeat it enough...I need more room to grow.
The creativity dreams I've been having lately are telling me something incredibly obvious. It is amazing how insightful dreams can be. I've had three of these dreams lately: 1) I was in a play and I didn't know any of my lines 2) I was scheduled to perform but I couldn't remember any of the lyrics 3) I was trying to play a piano but no sound would come out of it....I have been frustrated with myself for procrastinating about my writing portfolio...I have not been blocked, I just haven't given myself enough opportunities to write. I am afraid...I have been letting the fear take me over. I know I simply need to write my way through this fear...but it is hard. I only have one week left to submit my portfolio. I will have to send it by courier...I should take the chance and do what I can...I need to fight the fear
I am craving the company of strangers...people who only know the me they see in front of them. I long to delve into the lives of brand new people. I have been recycling through the same six degree circle for too long...I feel used up...I am disillusioned. It is beginning to affect my relationships. I love the people in my life, especially my family...but they know me too well and don't offer me enough room to grow. They have already made up their minds about me, and I'm not even close to being done changing. I can't repeat it enough...I need more room to grow.
The creativity dreams I've been having lately are telling me something incredibly obvious. It is amazing how insightful dreams can be. I've had three of these dreams lately: 1) I was in a play and I didn't know any of my lines 2) I was scheduled to perform but I couldn't remember any of the lyrics 3) I was trying to play a piano but no sound would come out of it....I have been frustrated with myself for procrastinating about my writing portfolio...I have not been blocked, I just haven't given myself enough opportunities to write. I am afraid...I have been letting the fear take me over. I know I simply need to write my way through this fear...but it is hard. I only have one week left to submit my portfolio. I will have to send it by courier...I should take the chance and do what I can...I need to fight the fear
